So my problem was quite bad again today. What exactly is the cause of it being on and off?

And it tends to worsen when there is a real need to understand things? Maybe because my brain recognises the importance and is reminded of the rituals? I need a way to overcome this unnecessary and harmful associative link then.

Anyway I will be discussing on meta-analyses with a prof soon. Two papers to read, and somewhat understandable even at my level. But I need to buck up on my reading. I shall read without giving up halfway because of my fear surfacing again. No more running away. Time to face it and rewrite the habit.